Thursday, December 29, 2005
Hello, my name is Teaspoon and I am a teen TV show addict
I realize that this post is going to open me up to possible, and let's face it probable, ridicule and scorn. My friends and family may even disavow me, but admitting you have a problem is the first step. TTSA is no laughing matter, it is an affliction that effects millions of Americans each week and everyday. It may not get the press that some of the bigger, and truthfully more important/dangerous addictions, but that does not make it any less of a problem. Anyone is potentially a TTS addict.
So again, my name is Teaspoon, and please people use real names, the only way you can get better is if you are completely honest. With yourself and with others.
The following is a transcript of a recent Teen TV Show Addicts Anonymous meeting. (so much for it being anonymous.)
My name is Teaspoon, I am 27 years old and I am an addict.
EVERYONE - "Hi, Teaspoon."
I have been addicted to TTSs since I actually was a teenager. It started with watching BH 90210 once or twice a season, then it was once or twice a month, and finally there I was every Wednesday. That spread to shows such as Saved By the Bell (in syndication), as well as Saved By the Bell the College Years. Currently the shows that I "watch" are Smallville, One Tree Hill, and last seasons, The O.C.
I have recently watched the first season of The O.C. on DVD, I don't know why I did this, the writing is sub par, the plots are either rehashed BH 90210 plots or worse, and the acting, aside from Adam Brody, is only fair all the way down to bad. It was actually painful to watch... but I couldn't stop. I couldn't look away, I had to find out what happened next.
Everytime I do this to myself I know that I am doing harm to myself, I tried not to watch The O.C. period when it first came out. A friend got me to watch an episode and then I found myself recording it so that I wouldn't miss it. With One Tree Hill I had gotten off of it, quit it cold turkey at the start of Season #2, but by the middle of the Season, I was watching it late at night in my underwear wearing a catchers mask. Smallville, I justify it that it is the story of Superman and what red-blooded American man would watch that, but that just isn't the reason, and I can't lie to myself anymore.
EVERYONE - " Good for you."
My name is Teaspoon, and I am an addict. Please help me get better.
EVERYONE - "Welcome Teaspoon, you can get better."
End of Transcript.
The above post was truly in no way meant to minimize what people go through with real addiction, I have several friends that are in AA and NA and worked hard to handle their addictions. My post was just as all my posts hopefully to be taken as entertainment and enjoyed.
Best,
Teaspoon
So again, my name is Teaspoon, and please people use real names, the only way you can get better is if you are completely honest. With yourself and with others.
The following is a transcript of a recent Teen TV Show Addicts Anonymous meeting. (so much for it being anonymous.)
My name is Teaspoon, I am 27 years old and I am an addict.
EVERYONE - "Hi, Teaspoon."
I have been addicted to TTSs since I actually was a teenager. It started with watching BH 90210 once or twice a season, then it was once or twice a month, and finally there I was every Wednesday. That spread to shows such as Saved By the Bell (in syndication), as well as Saved By the Bell the College Years. Currently the shows that I "watch" are Smallville, One Tree Hill, and last seasons, The O.C.
I have recently watched the first season of The O.C. on DVD, I don't know why I did this, the writing is sub par, the plots are either rehashed BH 90210 plots or worse, and the acting, aside from Adam Brody, is only fair all the way down to bad. It was actually painful to watch... but I couldn't stop. I couldn't look away, I had to find out what happened next.
Everytime I do this to myself I know that I am doing harm to myself, I tried not to watch The O.C. period when it first came out. A friend got me to watch an episode and then I found myself recording it so that I wouldn't miss it. With One Tree Hill I had gotten off of it, quit it cold turkey at the start of Season #2, but by the middle of the Season, I was watching it late at night in my underwear wearing a catchers mask. Smallville, I justify it that it is the story of Superman and what red-blooded American man would watch that, but that just isn't the reason, and I can't lie to myself anymore.
EVERYONE - " Good for you."
My name is Teaspoon, and I am an addict. Please help me get better.
EVERYONE - "Welcome Teaspoon, you can get better."
End of Transcript.
The above post was truly in no way meant to minimize what people go through with real addiction, I have several friends that are in AA and NA and worked hard to handle their addictions. My post was just as all my posts hopefully to be taken as entertainment and enjoyed.
Best,
Teaspoon
Friday, December 23, 2005
Mr. Hottea?
So I was in SB this morning, I was carpooling with a friend and she always likes to get her caffeine fix in the morning a Venti (huge) 8 shot drink. For those of you who don't drink the hoytie toytie drinks at any coffee house, 8 shots of espresso to a regular cup of coffee is like comparing jet fuel to pump gas.
Anyway this morning I was feeling slightly under the weather, so I ordered some Chinese Green Tea. good for the soul and making you feel better.
One of the barrista was getting me my hot water and tea bags (no jokes please) she had her back to me and asked me. "do you want honey Mr. Hottie." Man did I puff up my chest at that. I pretty cute barrista called me hot and in front of all of these people that I did not know. It was great I was king of the world. Take that Leo and Mr. Cameron.
Then after looking around grinning like an idiot and flexing, yes I am ashamed to admit it there was flexing involved. I realized what she had actually said was "do you want honey Mr. hot TEA?" As in guy who ordered hot water and tea bags. (again no jokes please)
I tried to shrink down to the size of a Christmas elf and slinked out of the SB tail between my legs.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY.
Anyway this morning I was feeling slightly under the weather, so I ordered some Chinese Green Tea. good for the soul and making you feel better.
One of the barrista was getting me my hot water and tea bags (no jokes please) she had her back to me and asked me. "do you want honey Mr. Hottie." Man did I puff up my chest at that. I pretty cute barrista called me hot and in front of all of these people that I did not know. It was great I was king of the world. Take that Leo and Mr. Cameron.
Then after looking around grinning like an idiot and flexing, yes I am ashamed to admit it there was flexing involved. I realized what she had actually said was "do you want honey Mr. hot TEA?" As in guy who ordered hot water and tea bags. (again no jokes please)
I tried to shrink down to the size of a Christmas elf and slinked out of the SB tail between my legs.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
News of the day: Big NEWS! Big, huge, ginormous!
Okay first of all, does anyone out there know if "ginormous" (spelled anyway) is an actual word?
News Of The Day:Gwen stafani and Gavin Rossdale. 2 of the most beautiful people in the universe in my opinion are having a baby.
This is the first baby for Gwen, the second for Gavin. He has an illegitimate 16 year old love-child, from a previous relationship. The couple is very excited.
There is speculation, okay so it is only my speculation that there is speculation, but since this is my blog I am going to speculate...
There is speculation as to the timing of the pregnancy, Gwen having just about her biggest year every as a solo artist away from No Doubt. And Gavin... Well... Gavin had a bit part in the latest Keanu film CONSTANTINE. So yeah Gwen having her biggest year, and going back into the studio for a follow up album. Why would she choose now to have a child.
Sources close to the singer have said that she has always wanted a family and now is a very good time to have one. We here at the Fountain of Useless Knowledge decided to research this out. By research I mean that we all stood around the water cooler and talked about the different reasons why, until we came up with a theory that we all liked the best. I won't lie to you there were punches thrown and some really nasty name calling but we as professionals got through it and here is our theories.
(Editor note. The aforementioned theories have been deleted in an effort to keep the Fountain of Useless Knowledge from being sued for libel. Only the last one is printed below - The Editors)
1. TomKat. About the only 2 people having sex with each other who are as good looking as a couple as G&G, are having a baby. This means that TomKat's child if a boy and G&G's baby if a girl could come together when they reach the appropriate age and bring forth the first truly perfect child. The gods in heaven would bow to this child as how could they possibly hope to create something as perfect as a TomKat/G&G child offspring. The mind boggles at the improbability of something like this happening. And we feel bless to have the chance to see such a miracle in our lifetimes.
Best,
Teaspoon
President
Fountain of Useless Knowledge
PS. In all seriousness, congratulations to G & G, and TomKat. We hate you, all 4. :-)
News Of The Day:Gwen stafani and Gavin Rossdale. 2 of the most beautiful people in the universe in my opinion are having a baby.
This is the first baby for Gwen, the second for Gavin. He has an illegitimate 16 year old love-child, from a previous relationship. The couple is very excited.
There is speculation, okay so it is only my speculation that there is speculation, but since this is my blog I am going to speculate...
There is speculation as to the timing of the pregnancy, Gwen having just about her biggest year every as a solo artist away from No Doubt. And Gavin... Well... Gavin had a bit part in the latest Keanu film CONSTANTINE. So yeah Gwen having her biggest year, and going back into the studio for a follow up album. Why would she choose now to have a child.
Sources close to the singer have said that she has always wanted a family and now is a very good time to have one. We here at the Fountain of Useless Knowledge decided to research this out. By research I mean that we all stood around the water cooler and talked about the different reasons why, until we came up with a theory that we all liked the best. I won't lie to you there were punches thrown and some really nasty name calling but we as professionals got through it and here is our theories.
(Editor note. The aforementioned theories have been deleted in an effort to keep the Fountain of Useless Knowledge from being sued for libel. Only the last one is printed below - The Editors)
1. TomKat. About the only 2 people having sex with each other who are as good looking as a couple as G&G, are having a baby. This means that TomKat's child if a boy and G&G's baby if a girl could come together when they reach the appropriate age and bring forth the first truly perfect child. The gods in heaven would bow to this child as how could they possibly hope to create something as perfect as a TomKat/G&G child offspring. The mind boggles at the improbability of something like this happening. And we feel bless to have the chance to see such a miracle in our lifetimes.
Best,
Teaspoon
President
Fountain of Useless Knowledge
PS. In all seriousness, congratulations to G & G, and TomKat. We hate you, all 4. :-)
Friday, December 16, 2005
Coffee House Blues II
So there I was at Swork drinking my coffee and typing out a hilarious blog post. One of the funniest ones that I have written, at least to me, and normally I don't think my stuff is too funny, but this one was the bees knees.
I had written out what must have been the equivalent to a page and a half of a story, kind of long for a blog post but I was on a roll. It had drama, comedy, action - okay maybe not too much action but it could have. Now you may be wondering why I am talking about this blog post in the past tense. You may even say to yourself, " But Teaspoon, you haven't posted anything since the 10th of December. We haven't read anything new yet" But ahah I say.
There I was, bringing forth this intricate web of intrige and drama. We had the Hero and the Villian. It was coming forth to be the story of the century something that you would be telling your grandchildren about. "yes, little billy I got to read the first addition of the story." " I was one of the first 10 people to ever read those amazing words." And then...
My 30 minutes of computer time ended. No warning no chance to save my work... Gone, just gone. So the world might never get a chance to read my story. Trying to recreate the masterpiece that it was would just be too painful, emotionally and physically.
Wreaked yours,
Teaspoon
I had written out what must have been the equivalent to a page and a half of a story, kind of long for a blog post but I was on a roll. It had drama, comedy, action - okay maybe not too much action but it could have. Now you may be wondering why I am talking about this blog post in the past tense. You may even say to yourself, " But Teaspoon, you haven't posted anything since the 10th of December. We haven't read anything new yet" But ahah I say.
There I was, bringing forth this intricate web of intrige and drama. We had the Hero and the Villian. It was coming forth to be the story of the century something that you would be telling your grandchildren about. "yes, little billy I got to read the first addition of the story." " I was one of the first 10 people to ever read those amazing words." And then...
My 30 minutes of computer time ended. No warning no chance to save my work... Gone, just gone. So the world might never get a chance to read my story. Trying to recreate the masterpiece that it was would just be too painful, emotionally and physically.
Wreaked yours,
Teaspoon
Saturday, December 10, 2005
The lazy Biatch
Okay So I have just found out that our earstwhile artist Shea has actually not sent in his computer for whatever stupid reason. What is the effing difficulty in putting a cumputer in a box and dropping it off at FedEx to get fixed if you had done this when you said that you were going to it would have been back by now. You stupid stupid man.
Anyways the upside to this is that I have found out that Shea has actually gotten some panels completed and I am sending his sorry ass to Kinkos to get them scanned into a computer and posted. He has agreed, on penalty of much pain to his happy place, that he will be posting at least one panel a week starting the first week in January. This is going to happen or the fleas of a thousand camels will be restig in his genitals. We here at the Foutain of Useless Knowledge pride ourselves in coming up with the best modivation to get our employees to work, and be happy. Who can forget: "The floggings will continue until moral improves."
So while we are far far behind our deadline for the comic, we appreciate your patience and hope that you do check it out when it is posted in January, or join us in our burning of The Artist if it is not posted by then.
Best
Teaspoon
President
Fountain of Useless Knowledge
Anyways the upside to this is that I have found out that Shea has actually gotten some panels completed and I am sending his sorry ass to Kinkos to get them scanned into a computer and posted. He has agreed, on penalty of much pain to his happy place, that he will be posting at least one panel a week starting the first week in January. This is going to happen or the fleas of a thousand camels will be restig in his genitals. We here at the Foutain of Useless Knowledge pride ourselves in coming up with the best modivation to get our employees to work, and be happy. Who can forget: "The floggings will continue until moral improves."
So while we are far far behind our deadline for the comic, we appreciate your patience and hope that you do check it out when it is posted in January, or join us in our burning of The Artist if it is not posted by then.
Best
Teaspoon
President
Fountain of Useless Knowledge
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Coffee House Blues
I realize that this post would probably be more in tune with my good friend Latigo Flints blog: But I am going to wirte it here.
I find myself almost every holiday season for the last 3-4 years frequenting Coffee houses alot. and drinking alot of coffee, especially Starbucks EggNog Lattes, which is interesting only in the fact that normally I hate coffee and only drink it maybe once a month any other time of year, and also the fact that it is happening to ME.
While I have not gone into the Starbucks that LF goes to mostly in respect to him and also so I don't actually run into him and Kid Relish, as anytime I get around KR I have the uncontrolable urge to kick him in the nuts. I have been going to many other Starbucks in my area, and I have to admit that there are several cute Baristi out there. Also in my area the clientel is very easy on the eyes.
But after my experiences this season I understand how LF believes that his baristas wants him they are all outrageous flirts, who can make you feel like they are staring into your very soul and actually liking what they are seeing.
I was in a smaller chain this morning called Sworks, I can only assume that these are still in business as they are so small that STARBUCKS (c) tm R just hasn't notice them, or they need something to show that they do not have the monopoly that they have on pushing the last legal drug left, COFFEE.
So to all you full year coffee drinkers, I know how you feel, but after New Years I am kicking the habit again, I think that I will take up smoking to help with the jitters, and I think that it is healthier.
Best Wishes,
Teaspoon
I find myself almost every holiday season for the last 3-4 years frequenting Coffee houses alot. and drinking alot of coffee, especially Starbucks EggNog Lattes, which is interesting only in the fact that normally I hate coffee and only drink it maybe once a month any other time of year, and also the fact that it is happening to ME.
While I have not gone into the Starbucks that LF goes to mostly in respect to him and also so I don't actually run into him and Kid Relish, as anytime I get around KR I have the uncontrolable urge to kick him in the nuts. I have been going to many other Starbucks in my area, and I have to admit that there are several cute Baristi out there. Also in my area the clientel is very easy on the eyes.
But after my experiences this season I understand how LF believes that his baristas wants him they are all outrageous flirts, who can make you feel like they are staring into your very soul and actually liking what they are seeing.
I was in a smaller chain this morning called Sworks, I can only assume that these are still in business as they are so small that STARBUCKS (c) tm R just hasn't notice them, or they need something to show that they do not have the monopoly that they have on pushing the last legal drug left, COFFEE.
So to all you full year coffee drinkers, I know how you feel, but after New Years I am kicking the habit again, I think that I will take up smoking to help with the jitters, and I think that it is healthier.
Best Wishes,
Teaspoon
