Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Randomness
So before we get into it, I just wanted to say congrats and thank you to Shea, our resident Leo DaVinci, he has managed to post 3 comics pretty much on time. The Editors are trying to say that because he technically posted 2 of them after the midnight deadline that he is in breech of contract and that gives them the right to flog him, I told them to just relax...
Speaking of Douglas Adams, if any of you still have never read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, I highly recommend that you do so. It is probably one of, if not THE funniest series of books I have ever read, but it was written by an Englishman, so if you don't laugh at Benny Hill, if you don't chuckle along with Faulty Towers, if you just "don't get" Monty Python, then I really don't think we can be friends anymore. Just kidding, but honestly if you don't really get the whole British style of humor you should still be able to enjoy these books, and if you do get British comedy, then I think that you are in for a real treat.
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I don't really have anything to post right now, I just figured if Shea can get off his lazy ass long enough to post a few decent comics, even if I didn't get the second one. I should be able to post a small little quip about life, the universe, and everything. If even one of you comment with 42 I swear to the big man upstairs...Speaking of Douglas Adams, if any of you still have never read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, I highly recommend that you do so. It is probably one of, if not THE funniest series of books I have ever read, but it was written by an Englishman, so if you don't laugh at Benny Hill, if you don't chuckle along with Faulty Towers, if you just "don't get" Monty Python, then I really don't think we can be friends anymore. Just kidding, but honestly if you don't really get the whole British style of humor you should still be able to enjoy these books, and if you do get British comedy, then I think that you are in for a real treat.
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(Pre-cursor): So as the president of the Fountain of Useless Knowledge, I am required to do somethings that I really would not do otherwise, honestly.
Over this weekend I went to see an epic romance, a story about two people who because of duty could never again be together after a torrid affair of that brought them to love each other, and became lovers... And NO I am not talking about Tent Pole Mountain.
Tristan and Isolde, This movie was being pushed as a love story greater then Romeo and Juliet, or as I like to call it: Dumbass 1 and Dumbass 2. T&I could just have easily been called Dumberass 1 and Dumberass 2.
*SPOILER WARNING* (you are only going to get one) Unlike R&J where it is their families trying to keep them apart. T&I it is duty and love of the King that should be keeping them from fornicating. With her marriage to the king it would have helped to end years of bloodshed between the Brits and the Irish, But Nooooooo, T&I just had to get it on! The King 9 years earlier sacrificed his hand to save Tristan as a boy, and then raised him as his own. And what does Tristan do? He fondles the new queen's jiggly bits. Near the end Tristan realizes that what they are doing is wrong, but Isolde is not sated and insists on seeing him again. They get caught and the King ends up imprisoning Tristan. Then because he is a big hearted guy, he sees that T&I are meant to be together and so releases them both. This is at the same time that the Irish are coming to slaughter all of the Brits including the King. Tristan decides that Duty truly is greater then hot passionate sex, and goes back to save the fledgling Kingdom. Isolde just tries to get Tristan to escape with her and spent many hours in the sack. Over all I was unimpressed, but entertained to an extent.
Oh and every single on of the girls/women in the place were weeping as they left the theater, I could only ask why?
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Okay I am a huge fan of the Holy Trilogy (STAR WARS/EMPIRE STRIKES BACK/RETURN OF THE JEDI) and before Episodes 1-3 a huge supporter of all things SW, but this is going to far. I mean if you are going to do it stick with one of the trilogies, not both. c'mon people!!!
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THIS JUST IN: AAA has released a statement informing the public that after an extensive study they have found that teenage drivers are in the highest percential for crashes and accidents, especially 15 - 17 yr olds. And that it is because they have so little experience to draw from in stressful situations behind the wheel. You know what I have to say to that? NO FRIGGIN DUH!! Wow that took an extensive study to determine that? I wish I coudl work in AAA's research department, I could eff off for like a month and then come back when the deadline was coming due and just write up a little thing, OF FUCKING COMMON SENSE!! God, I can't believe the government didn't get in on this and give them a damn grant.
I can't even think with stupidy like this.
I need a drink.
Best,
Teaspoon
Thursday, January 12, 2006
More BIG news
So there is more big news in the world of beautiful people.
Brad and Angelina are having a baby!!!!!
This would not be that big of news, but for the fact that they somehow manage this without ever being "together". Some of the women here, in the offices of the Fountain of Useless Knowledge, say that this just proves that Brad Pitt is God made flesh. Whatever that is about. We don't get it, is he actually that good looking?
A LITTLE HISTORY
"Arguably one of the most beautiful couples on the planet have called it quits today. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have seperated after 4 years of marriage. Both sides wish only the best for each other." (Yeah right, we HATE this diatripe-bullshit. How is it that every celebrity couple that breaks up can only hope for the best for the other? Just once I would like to see a couple break up and have the woman say something truthful like "I hope that *bleep*ing *bleep* dies of an anal disease!!)
"Brad Pitt has been sighted in the company of his Mr. and Mrs. Smith co-star Angelina Jolie, only 2 months after his seperation from Jennifer Anniston. Though reps from both sides insist that Pitt and Jolie are 'just friends'"
Okay cool, so I can go along with that, I can have that they are just friends. Yeah, the Most Beautiful Man in the World, and multi-timed voted most beautiful woman are just hanging out because they like each others company. It could be because they are 2 of the few people that can look directly at each other and not melt from the beauty of themselves. We have heard that their assistants have to wear welders masks when around them to avoid being blinded by their good looks. That could just be a vicious rumor that we are hoping will be started.
Basically Brad and Angelina have been spotted together doing everything from flying planes to shopping to visiting African countries, etc. BUT they ARE NOT TOGETHER. Bold caps and everything. So even though Brad is about to adopt Angelina's children they ARE NOT TOGETHER! Even though Angelina has moved into Brad's house they ARE NOT TOGETHER! and now even though Angelina IS pregnant, and it is Brad's biological child, they ARE NOT TOGETHER AND HAVE NEVER BEEN TOGETHER!
Anyway, we think that this is just another attempt to bred superhumans (see earlier post News of the day: Big NEWS! Big, huge, ginormous! ) along with the other unnaturally beautiful couples.
Good night and good luck.
Teaspoon
Brad and Angelina are having a baby!!!!!
This would not be that big of news, but for the fact that they somehow manage this without ever being "together". Some of the women here, in the offices of the Fountain of Useless Knowledge, say that this just proves that Brad Pitt is God made flesh. Whatever that is about. We don't get it, is he actually that good looking?
A LITTLE HISTORY
"Arguably one of the most beautiful couples on the planet have called it quits today. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have seperated after 4 years of marriage. Both sides wish only the best for each other." (Yeah right, we HATE this diatripe-bullshit. How is it that every celebrity couple that breaks up can only hope for the best for the other? Just once I would like to see a couple break up and have the woman say something truthful like "I hope that *bleep*ing *bleep* dies of an anal disease!!)
"Brad Pitt has been sighted in the company of his Mr. and Mrs. Smith co-star Angelina Jolie, only 2 months after his seperation from Jennifer Anniston. Though reps from both sides insist that Pitt and Jolie are 'just friends'"
Okay cool, so I can go along with that, I can have that they are just friends. Yeah, the Most Beautiful Man in the World, and multi-timed voted most beautiful woman are just hanging out because they like each others company. It could be because they are 2 of the few people that can look directly at each other and not melt from the beauty of themselves. We have heard that their assistants have to wear welders masks when around them to avoid being blinded by their good looks. That could just be a vicious rumor that we are hoping will be started.
Basically Brad and Angelina have been spotted together doing everything from flying planes to shopping to visiting African countries, etc. BUT they ARE NOT TOGETHER. Bold caps and everything. So even though Brad is about to adopt Angelina's children they ARE NOT TOGETHER! Even though Angelina has moved into Brad's house they ARE NOT TOGETHER! and now even though Angelina IS pregnant, and it is Brad's biological child, they ARE NOT TOGETHER AND HAVE NEVER BEEN TOGETHER!
Anyway, we think that this is just another attempt to bred superhumans (see earlier post News of the day: Big NEWS! Big, huge, ginormous! ) along with the other unnaturally beautiful couples.
Good night and good luck.
Teaspoon
