Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Happy V-Day everyone
So as a single person, around this time of year many of you get very lonely or upset.
I personally love this time of year, see I feel sorry for all those couples that have this whole buildup to a day that for most, is probably at the very least a little disappointing. Especially when the day falls on a weekday and people have to be back to work the following day.
But as a single person I celebrate Single Awareness Fortnight. For those of you not familiar with this holiday. It is like the difference between Chanukah and Christmas. The Jews had it right make a whole 8 days of celebration and gift giving as opposed to those poor Christian bastards that only have 1 day. Starting on February 1st I gave myself a present, then the next day low and behold I was still single so I got to give myself another present. And unlike Valentines gifts where they are supposed to be romantic and you have no real control of what your significant other gives you, for Single Awareness Fortnight you get presents that you want, like the 12 pack of beer I gave myself the first night, and then the 5th of Jack on the second. Now you can trade gifts with other people celebrating SAF, but it is not recommended as that seems to only result in extreme drunkedness and some defacation of past girlfriends/boyfriends property or pets. This is mostly atributed to the fact that the majority of SAF gifts have as their main ingredient: Alcohol, funny how that works.
So in closing after another very exciting SAF, at least I think it must have been exciting, to be honest I can't remember too much of the last 2 weeks. I wish you all the best in all you do this year.
Best,
Teaspoon
I personally love this time of year, see I feel sorry for all those couples that have this whole buildup to a day that for most, is probably at the very least a little disappointing. Especially when the day falls on a weekday and people have to be back to work the following day.
But as a single person I celebrate Single Awareness Fortnight. For those of you not familiar with this holiday. It is like the difference between Chanukah and Christmas. The Jews had it right make a whole 8 days of celebration and gift giving as opposed to those poor Christian bastards that only have 1 day. Starting on February 1st I gave myself a present, then the next day low and behold I was still single so I got to give myself another present. And unlike Valentines gifts where they are supposed to be romantic and you have no real control of what your significant other gives you, for Single Awareness Fortnight you get presents that you want, like the 12 pack of beer I gave myself the first night, and then the 5th of Jack on the second. Now you can trade gifts with other people celebrating SAF, but it is not recommended as that seems to only result in extreme drunkedness and some defacation of past girlfriends/boyfriends property or pets. This is mostly atributed to the fact that the majority of SAF gifts have as their main ingredient: Alcohol, funny how that works.
So in closing after another very exciting SAF, at least I think it must have been exciting, to be honest I can't remember too much of the last 2 weeks. I wish you all the best in all you do this year.
Best,
Teaspoon
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Every dog has his day
I am not sure if any of you out there know of an actress named Heather Locklear, but she is definitely one of the hottest women especially when you take into acount that she is 44. Now I am not ageist I am just saying she looks damn good for a 44 year old, or even for a 24 year old. Now for the last 10 years she has been married to a decent enough bloke that plays a little guitar, named Richie Sambora, for a band called Bon Jovi or something like that, I don't know never heard of them myself.
Now I am pretty much a pacifist and do not wish harm on any living soul, except maybe the Dutch. (Goldmember anyone?). But I did spend several long hours praying to god to interviene and somehow break up HL's and RS marriage. Never anything violent or anything, well maybe I asked if the big man upstairs could somehow drop an anvil on his head, but I have seen enough Lonney Toons cartoons to know that it doesn't ever kill anyone. Alas their marraige remained intact and I soon gave up on it ever ending and me having a decent shot at nailing Heather. Because obviously if RS was out of the picture I am the front runner.
Now some of you may have heard about the little accident that Bon Jovi's private plane had in Canada where it skidded off the runway, I want to stress here that no one was hurt including RS, and that I did not have anything to do with it... Directly. You would be amazed at what you can get a Canadian to do for $50.00 USD, a bottle of absynth and a pair of tickets to a hockey game.
Today though is a day to rejoice, the marriage is over. HL came to her senses and filed for divorce and will be severing ties in 6 months. (the length of time you have to wait for your divorce to become final in California) people from RS's camp have tried to slander the wonderful Heather, saying that she is an egomaniac and that she needs her ass kissed all the time. Have you seen her ass? it is beautiful, I don't get what the problem is.
So Heather, on August 2nd, call me. I'll be waiting by the phone.
T-
Now I am pretty much a pacifist and do not wish harm on any living soul, except maybe the Dutch. (Goldmember anyone?). But I did spend several long hours praying to god to interviene and somehow break up HL's and RS marriage. Never anything violent or anything, well maybe I asked if the big man upstairs could somehow drop an anvil on his head, but I have seen enough Lonney Toons cartoons to know that it doesn't ever kill anyone. Alas their marraige remained intact and I soon gave up on it ever ending and me having a decent shot at nailing Heather. Because obviously if RS was out of the picture I am the front runner.
Now some of you may have heard about the little accident that Bon Jovi's private plane had in Canada where it skidded off the runway, I want to stress here that no one was hurt including RS, and that I did not have anything to do with it... Directly. You would be amazed at what you can get a Canadian to do for $50.00 USD, a bottle of absynth and a pair of tickets to a hockey game.
Today though is a day to rejoice, the marriage is over. HL came to her senses and filed for divorce and will be severing ties in 6 months. (the length of time you have to wait for your divorce to become final in California) people from RS's camp have tried to slander the wonderful Heather, saying that she is an egomaniac and that she needs her ass kissed all the time. Have you seen her ass? it is beautiful, I don't get what the problem is.
So Heather, on August 2nd, call me. I'll be waiting by the phone.
T-
