Saturday, November 19, 2005
Uwe-turn
I was on the website of Uwe Boll's latest masterpiece of video game-movies.
BLOODRAYNE:
This is the official synopsis from the website.
Bloodrayne is a genre all to itself. It is packed with action, but it's not an action film per se. It is a mighty adventure,
but it's not a pure adventure film.
There are mythical and immortal creatures of great power and evil, but it's not a typical vampire movie. Bloodrayne crosses all genres'.
There is romance, adventure, action, drama and a raging battle of good against evil.
With an all-star cast, including Academy Award Winner, Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen (Species), Michelle Rodriques, Meatloaf and Kristana Loken (T-3, the Terminatrix),
Lets break this down just a little bit.
After more then 100 yrs of movies, Uwe Boll has created an entirely new genre? Amazing I say because I for one have never heard of a movie that included vampires, a great evil, romance, action, drama etc. But you know if I could make a movie like that I would probably cast Kate Beckinsale as the lead, and maybe title it... I don't know... UNDERWORLD!!!
What the hell is a typical vampire movie? Dracula? Dracula 2000? Blade 1, 2, or 3? John Carpenters Vampires? the above mentioned Underworld?
Again "... Bloodrayne crosses all genres'." but it doesn't seem to catch any of them according to the synopsis.
Then there is the cast: I don't know how a hack like Ben Kingsley got cast in this but I forgive Uwe for that by casting the master thespian Meatloaf. Who did not get a tear in their eye watching his performance in Rocky Horror Picture Show? And I still say it was not from the onions that I was cutting at the time.
Anyways, I for one plan on camping outside of the theater for at least a week prior to the release as I know that it is going to be packed. First blockbuster of 2006.
Best,
Teaspoon
PS. THIS ENTIRE POST WAS MEANT TO BE TAKEN FOR SARCASM. FoUK AND ALL OF ITS SUBSIDIARIES DO NOT ENDORSE THE MOVIE BLOODRAYNE AND IN FACT BELIEVE THAT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD ANYONE EVER SEE A UWE BOLL MOVIE. EVER. AS IN NEVER EVER. DO NOT LET YOU LOVED ONES GO SEE THIS MOVIE, IN FACT IT WOULD MOST LIKELY BE CRUEL TO SEND THOSE YOU DON'T LIKE TO SEE THIS MOVIE EITHER.
REMEMBER BOYS AND GIRLS: FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WATCH UWE.
BLOODRAYNE:
This is the official synopsis from the website.
Bloodrayne is a genre all to itself. It is packed with action, but it's not an action film per se. It is a mighty adventure,
but it's not a pure adventure film.
There are mythical and immortal creatures of great power and evil, but it's not a typical vampire movie. Bloodrayne crosses all genres'.
There is romance, adventure, action, drama and a raging battle of good against evil.
With an all-star cast, including Academy Award Winner, Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen (Species), Michelle Rodriques, Meatloaf and Kristana Loken (T-3, the Terminatrix),
Lets break this down just a little bit.
After more then 100 yrs of movies, Uwe Boll has created an entirely new genre? Amazing I say because I for one have never heard of a movie that included vampires, a great evil, romance, action, drama etc. But you know if I could make a movie like that I would probably cast Kate Beckinsale as the lead, and maybe title it... I don't know... UNDERWORLD!!!
What the hell is a typical vampire movie? Dracula? Dracula 2000? Blade 1, 2, or 3? John Carpenters Vampires? the above mentioned Underworld?
Again "... Bloodrayne crosses all genres'." but it doesn't seem to catch any of them according to the synopsis.
Then there is the cast: I don't know how a hack like Ben Kingsley got cast in this but I forgive Uwe for that by casting the master thespian Meatloaf. Who did not get a tear in their eye watching his performance in Rocky Horror Picture Show? And I still say it was not from the onions that I was cutting at the time.
Anyways, I for one plan on camping outside of the theater for at least a week prior to the release as I know that it is going to be packed. First blockbuster of 2006.
Best,
Teaspoon
PS. THIS ENTIRE POST WAS MEANT TO BE TAKEN FOR SARCASM. FoUK AND ALL OF ITS SUBSIDIARIES DO NOT ENDORSE THE MOVIE BLOODRAYNE AND IN FACT BELIEVE THAT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD ANYONE EVER SEE A UWE BOLL MOVIE. EVER. AS IN NEVER EVER. DO NOT LET YOU LOVED ONES GO SEE THIS MOVIE, IN FACT IT WOULD MOST LIKELY BE CRUEL TO SEND THOSE YOU DON'T LIKE TO SEE THIS MOVIE EITHER.
REMEMBER BOYS AND GIRLS: FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WATCH UWE.
