The Fountain of Useless Knowledge

Man it has been awhile since I posted anything nad for that I would like to extend my heartfelt apologizes. When I started this little indeaver my intention was to be posting on a fairly regular basis along with comics by Shea, but alas that is not the way it has been and for that I blame Shea completely.

We hope to be back on some kind of regular schedule here in the next couple of months so please be patient and bare with us.

In the meantime here are some random thoughts:

Robin Williams spelled backwards is Smailliw Nibor.

If you don't think God has a sense of humor, you have never seen a platypus.

The Rolling Stones are still rolling.

Tom Hanks taped a "acceptance dos and don'ts" video for the Academy awards this year which was given out to all of the nominees. I think we should do this for many other areas. such as fatherhood, the video should include telling them that in the delivery room DO hold the mothers hands, DON'T try to pick up the hot nurse while you think your wife is doped up on epidurials, DO whatever it is the mother to be wants you to do, DON'T zoom in on your wife's vagina with the video camera while filming the birth, nobody that you might show it too is going to want to see that.

If you get your apendix removed, DON'T save it in a jar. True story a friend of mine had his taken out and not only did his parents save the damn thing, but they filmed the operation and they watch it every year and put the jar on the mantle.

Leave it to Tent-Pole Mountain Director to take the "worst quote at the Oscars" title from Jim Cameron. Remember when Jim took the Best Director for TITANIC and he said "I'm king of the world." Well Ang Lee had to beat that with "I wish I could quit you" that wasn't even a good line to begin with, it definitely didn't make any sense in the context of the Academy Awards.

I like peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches how bout you?

The following is a cease and desist letter from Uwe Boll to the President of the Fountain of Useless Knowledge. We as the editors ofthe Fountain of Useless Knowledge are posting it has several words had to be edited out due to mature content.

Italics are our own additions to the script, and not part of the original letter.

Enjoy.

The Editors

----------------------

From the desk of Uwe Boll, the greatest German director of all time. We are not kidding this is what it says.

To: Teaspoon, President of the Fotain ov Useless Knowledge.

Re: Recent insults and generally stupid opinions of my movies.


To whom it may concern, Again we are not kidding here.

It has recently come to my attention, while swimming around on my piles of nazi money, that you have been saying many rude and mean things about me and my amazing movies. To insult such masterpieces as HOUSE OF THE DEAD, and ALONE IN THE DARK? Who are you? Are you some superduper movie critic type man? What gives you the right to warn off people who might otherwise go and see my amazing movies, because that is WHAT THEY ARE, AMAZING!! It is worth mentioning here that the last part appeared to be scrawled in by hand and by what appears to be a 4 year old and in crayon.

I am a fabulous director, sure my last three films are among the top 21 worst movies of all time, but not one of them is in the top 10 and I have made 6 other films that are not on that list. We checked this out and while it is true that Uwe has made 6 other films they are all German films and never released to our knowledge in America theaters. I am brilliant and I should not have to defend myself to the likes of you ------ ------ This is where Uwe came up with some really impressive langauge to describe Teaspoon, his anus, and many members of his family. As it made our intern cry reading it, we decided to edited out for you the readers. Plus about midway through he started using words that we could not find in any language's dictionary. Plus I have 5 movies coming out in the next 2 years. How many do you have? You... Again he kind of went off here, the only thing that we understood was the german word for chickenfucker, and we only know that because we watched Southpark BIGGER, LONGER, and UNCUT in german once.

All Five of these future masterpieces are based of of american video games, see that is why I am as successful as I am, I take these lowerly videogame titles, and then change everything but the title until they cannot be recognized as being of the same idea, because lets be honest, these games were not made by Germans so they are by definition stupid.

I am ordering you to cease and decist your racist, rude, and mean comments about me in all your communications, or I cannot describe what I would do to you, just use your imagination.

Yours truely

Uwe

Teaspoon says that as long as it is not having to watch ALONE IN THE DARK, or any other movie that Uwe had anything to do with. He is game for anything that Uwe can throw his way.

best

The Editors