Friday, December 01, 2006
Visiting the Mecca
So I recently made a trip up to Seattle, WA for work, but managed to have a couple days off afterwards. So me and some coworkers (friends?) made our way down to Pike Place Market, which for those of you who are unfamiliar with the area, is a cool little place down on the shore. There are all sorts of neat little shops and a great fish market which has been shown numerous times in TV and movies where they make a show out of buying fish. They throw fish to/at each other and there is usually a large crowd of tourists there watching.
This time we were on a mission though, to find the mecca, that is right, the First and original STARBUCKS coffee co. store. I don't know how many of you know, or care, but STARBUCKS has been around since 1971 starting at this little store in Pike Place Market. It was packed, in the neighboring area I saw no less then 4 different STARBUCKS', but this one was jammed packed, everyone wanted to say that they have been to the original I guess.
It was an almost surreal experience I have to admit. The store still had the original logo, a mermaid with a split tail.
I'll have a Venti Caramel Macchiato with whip no foam upsidedown, thank you. Here is my $53.00 for my crack (aka coffee), and please don't ever go out of business.
This time we were on a mission though, to find the mecca, that is right, the First and original STARBUCKS coffee co. store. I don't know how many of you know, or care, but STARBUCKS has been around since 1971 starting at this little store in Pike Place Market. It was packed, in the neighboring area I saw no less then 4 different STARBUCKS', but this one was jammed packed, everyone wanted to say that they have been to the original I guess.
It was an almost surreal experience I have to admit. The store still had the original logo, a mermaid with a split tail.
I'll have a Venti Caramel Macchiato with whip no foam upsidedown, thank you. Here is my $53.00 for my crack (aka coffee), and please don't ever go out of business.
Monday, September 18, 2006
New Comic
Okay so I know that we here at the FOUK have made many many promises which we have failed to keep. We know that there are politicians out there that have manage to keep more campaign promises. We know that at this point you would likely trust your children with Michael Jackson before believing anything we say.
So with that in mind we would like to announce the new release of the latest Fountain of Useless Knowledge Comic: NINJA KOALAS. written and penciled by Shea the artist. This is currently set for a once a week comic. The first "issue" is slated for a mid October posting. We hope to have some preview art up over the next couple of weeks. At this time there are no plans to for it to be a color comic, or have any kind of running story line, though do not discount the possibility of either. We hope that you will check it out and if you like it tell all your friends.
We will still be posting our rants and comments on current events as we work on getting back into a "normal" posting timeframe. We apologize for our lack of posting since April. No excuses but that is what happens when you have a drink one night that turns into a 14 week binge, you tend to forget to post on your blog, hell I think we forgot to pay rent, shave, wash, where we live, and even what our names were. But we are back and in full tilt to get things rolling again.
Yours Truely,
Sun doo khuk
(At least that is the name that I go by now)
So with that in mind we would like to announce the new release of the latest Fountain of Useless Knowledge Comic: NINJA KOALAS. written and penciled by Shea the artist. This is currently set for a once a week comic. The first "issue" is slated for a mid October posting. We hope to have some preview art up over the next couple of weeks. At this time there are no plans to for it to be a color comic, or have any kind of running story line, though do not discount the possibility of either. We hope that you will check it out and if you like it tell all your friends.
We will still be posting our rants and comments on current events as we work on getting back into a "normal" posting timeframe. We apologize for our lack of posting since April. No excuses but that is what happens when you have a drink one night that turns into a 14 week binge, you tend to forget to post on your blog, hell I think we forgot to pay rent, shave, wash, where we live, and even what our names were. But we are back and in full tilt to get things rolling again.
Yours Truely,
Sun doo khuk
(At least that is the name that I go by now)
Thursday, April 20, 2006
from the diary of...
Day 3
I awoke to the sound of my alarm going off, in my groggy state it sounded like a cruel taunt. Ha. ha... ha. ha... ha. ha... you. have... to. get... up. up...
Where was I? How did I get here? Why did my mouth taste like this?
My mind slowly started bringing things into focus, I appeared to be in my apartment but something was out of place, or more accurately as my thoughts started to become more cohesive, something was missing. I picked myself up off of the floor, my neck out of joint from the awkward way I had slept on it. The room was hot and stuffy, with the headache I had, it reminded me of TJ the morning I awoke with a hangover, 2 prostitutes, a midgit, a pineapple and a donkey swinging from the ceiling fan.
I attempted to piece together the events of the night. No not the night in TJ, I don't ever want to know what happened there, but events from last night.
I came home, that is not in dispute, unless someone knows something that I don't I am going to assume that I came home, seeing as I woke up at home. So I came home I turned on my computer, with the good intention of doing some work on it, well you know what they say about good intentions? In my case it is a bullet train to ol' H-E-double hockey sticks.
It is a little bit odd still to come home and have an office, to know that I could walk around naked and no one would care or see. Not that that stopped my old roommate oh the horror! (Note to self, still need to send Timmy the bill for the last time I poured salt in my eyes to get the vision of his hairy arse out of my head.)
With the realization that I had turned on the computer the previous night I must have done some work on it. I leaped gazelle like, over a pile of clothing that I would swear I had not worn yet, to my computer and moved the mouse to wake up the screen.
The screen warmed up and slowly brightened, all the while I thought to myself this will explain everything. And what was it that I saw? "YOU ARE SCREWED!" ... What ?!?!?! what the hell is that? Did I write it? did someone else? If I did write it was it meant for me or for someone else? Was I suddenly in some horrible life threatening situation, like that damn movie SAW??
Just then I heard the toilet flush. I moved slowly to the doorway, pulling one of my katana's from it's sheath, oh did I fail to mention that I had my swords straped to me when I awakened? Holding the sword in classic en garde position I ready myself for whatever came out of the bathroom...
To say that I was surprised when out of the bathroom wandered a donkey with a midgit on it's back would be a lie. To say that I freaked out and stabbed them both several times with my katana would also be a lie. To say that I opened the front door for them after the donkey asked me to "help a brother out" and then went back to sleep swearing to myself that I would never think or speak of this again would be the truth... Damn Pineapple is poking me in the back as I write this.
I awoke to the sound of my alarm going off, in my groggy state it sounded like a cruel taunt. Ha. ha... ha. ha... ha. ha... you. have... to. get... up. up...
Where was I? How did I get here? Why did my mouth taste like this?
My mind slowly started bringing things into focus, I appeared to be in my apartment but something was out of place, or more accurately as my thoughts started to become more cohesive, something was missing. I picked myself up off of the floor, my neck out of joint from the awkward way I had slept on it. The room was hot and stuffy, with the headache I had, it reminded me of TJ the morning I awoke with a hangover, 2 prostitutes, a midgit, a pineapple and a donkey swinging from the ceiling fan.
I attempted to piece together the events of the night. No not the night in TJ, I don't ever want to know what happened there, but events from last night.
I came home, that is not in dispute, unless someone knows something that I don't I am going to assume that I came home, seeing as I woke up at home. So I came home I turned on my computer, with the good intention of doing some work on it, well you know what they say about good intentions? In my case it is a bullet train to ol' H-E-double hockey sticks.
It is a little bit odd still to come home and have an office, to know that I could walk around naked and no one would care or see. Not that that stopped my old roommate oh the horror! (Note to self, still need to send Timmy the bill for the last time I poured salt in my eyes to get the vision of his hairy arse out of my head.)
With the realization that I had turned on the computer the previous night I must have done some work on it. I leaped gazelle like, over a pile of clothing that I would swear I had not worn yet, to my computer and moved the mouse to wake up the screen.
The screen warmed up and slowly brightened, all the while I thought to myself this will explain everything. And what was it that I saw? "YOU ARE SCREWED!" ... What ?!?!?! what the hell is that? Did I write it? did someone else? If I did write it was it meant for me or for someone else? Was I suddenly in some horrible life threatening situation, like that damn movie SAW??
Just then I heard the toilet flush. I moved slowly to the doorway, pulling one of my katana's from it's sheath, oh did I fail to mention that I had my swords straped to me when I awakened? Holding the sword in classic en garde position I ready myself for whatever came out of the bathroom...
To say that I was surprised when out of the bathroom wandered a donkey with a midgit on it's back would be a lie. To say that I freaked out and stabbed them both several times with my katana would also be a lie. To say that I opened the front door for them after the donkey asked me to "help a brother out" and then went back to sleep swearing to myself that I would never think or speak of this again would be the truth... Damn Pineapple is poking me in the back as I write this.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
randomness
Man it has been awhile since I posted anything nad for that I would like to extend my heartfelt apologizes. When I started this little indeaver my intention was to be posting on a fairly regular basis along with comics by Shea, but alas that is not the way it has been and for that I blame Shea completely.
We hope to be back on some kind of regular schedule here in the next couple of months so please be patient and bare with us.
In the meantime here are some random thoughts:
Robin Williams spelled backwards is Smailliw Nibor.
If you don't think God has a sense of humor, you have never seen a platypus.
The Rolling Stones are still rolling.
Tom Hanks taped a "acceptance dos and don'ts" video for the Academy awards this year which was given out to all of the nominees. I think we should do this for many other areas. such as fatherhood, the video should include telling them that in the delivery room DO hold the mothers hands, DON'T try to pick up the hot nurse while you think your wife is doped up on epidurials, DO whatever it is the mother to be wants you to do, DON'T zoom in on your wife's vagina with the video camera while filming the birth, nobody that you might show it too is going to want to see that.
If you get your apendix removed, DON'T save it in a jar. True story a friend of mine had his taken out and not only did his parents save the damn thing, but they filmed the operation and they watch it every year and put the jar on the mantle.
Leave it to Tent-Pole Mountain Director to take the "worst quote at the Oscars" title from Jim Cameron. Remember when Jim took the Best Director for TITANIC and he said "I'm king of the world." Well Ang Lee had to beat that with "I wish I could quit you" that wasn't even a good line to begin with, it definitely didn't make any sense in the context of the Academy Awards.
I like peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches how bout you?
We hope to be back on some kind of regular schedule here in the next couple of months so please be patient and bare with us.
In the meantime here are some random thoughts:
Robin Williams spelled backwards is Smailliw Nibor.
If you don't think God has a sense of humor, you have never seen a platypus.
The Rolling Stones are still rolling.
Tom Hanks taped a "acceptance dos and don'ts" video for the Academy awards this year which was given out to all of the nominees. I think we should do this for many other areas. such as fatherhood, the video should include telling them that in the delivery room DO hold the mothers hands, DON'T try to pick up the hot nurse while you think your wife is doped up on epidurials, DO whatever it is the mother to be wants you to do, DON'T zoom in on your wife's vagina with the video camera while filming the birth, nobody that you might show it too is going to want to see that.
If you get your apendix removed, DON'T save it in a jar. True story a friend of mine had his taken out and not only did his parents save the damn thing, but they filmed the operation and they watch it every year and put the jar on the mantle.
Leave it to Tent-Pole Mountain Director to take the "worst quote at the Oscars" title from Jim Cameron. Remember when Jim took the Best Director for TITANIC and he said "I'm king of the world." Well Ang Lee had to beat that with "I wish I could quit you" that wasn't even a good line to begin with, it definitely didn't make any sense in the context of the Academy Awards.
I like peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches how bout you?
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
letter
The following is a cease and desist letter from Uwe Boll to the President of the Fountain of Useless Knowledge. We as the editors ofthe Fountain of Useless Knowledge are posting it has several words had to be edited out due to mature content.
Italics are our own additions to the script, and not part of the original letter.
Enjoy.
The Editors
----------------------
From the desk of Uwe Boll, the greatest German director of all time. We are not kidding this is what it says.
To: Teaspoon, President of the Fotain ov Useless Knowledge.
Re: Recent insults and generally stupid opinions of my movies.
To whom it may concern, Again we are not kidding here.
It has recently come to my attention, while swimming around on my piles of nazi money, that you have been saying many rude and mean things about me and my amazing movies. To insult such masterpieces as HOUSE OF THE DEAD, and ALONE IN THE DARK? Who are you? Are you some superduper movie critic type man? What gives you the right to warn off people who might otherwise go and see my amazing movies, because that is WHAT THEY ARE, AMAZING!! It is worth mentioning here that the last part appeared to be scrawled in by hand and by what appears to be a 4 year old and in crayon.
Italics are our own additions to the script, and not part of the original letter.
Enjoy.
The Editors
----------------------
From the desk of Uwe Boll, the greatest German director of all time. We are not kidding this is what it says.
To: Teaspoon, President of the Fotain ov Useless Knowledge.
Re: Recent insults and generally stupid opinions of my movies.
To whom it may concern, Again we are not kidding here.
It has recently come to my attention, while swimming around on my piles of nazi money, that you have been saying many rude and mean things about me and my amazing movies. To insult such masterpieces as HOUSE OF THE DEAD, and ALONE IN THE DARK? Who are you? Are you some superduper movie critic type man? What gives you the right to warn off people who might otherwise go and see my amazing movies, because that is WHAT THEY ARE, AMAZING!! It is worth mentioning here that the last part appeared to be scrawled in by hand and by what appears to be a 4 year old and in crayon.
I am a fabulous director, sure my last three films are among the top 21 worst movies of all time, but not one of them is in the top 10 and I have made 6 other films that are not on that list. We checked this out and while it is true that Uwe has made 6 other films they are all German films and never released to our knowledge in America theaters. I am brilliant and I should not have to defend myself to the likes of you ------ ------ This is where Uwe came up with some really impressive langauge to describe Teaspoon, his anus, and many members of his family. As it made our intern cry reading it, we decided to edited out for you the readers. Plus about midway through he started using words that we could not find in any language's dictionary. Plus I have 5 movies coming out in the next 2 years. How many do you have? You... Again he kind of went off here, the only thing that we understood was the german word for chickenfucker, and we only know that because we watched Southpark BIGGER, LONGER, and UNCUT in german once.
All Five of these future masterpieces are based of of american video games, see that is why I am as successful as I am, I take these lowerly videogame titles, and then change everything but the title until they cannot be recognized as being of the same idea, because lets be honest, these games were not made by Germans so they are by definition stupid.
I am ordering you to cease and decist your racist, rude, and mean comments about me in all your communications, or I cannot describe what I would do to you, just use your imagination.
Yours truely
Uwe
Teaspoon says that as long as it is not having to watch ALONE IN THE DARK, or any other movie that Uwe had anything to do with. He is game for anything that Uwe can throw his way.
best
The Editors
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Happy V-Day everyone
So as a single person, around this time of year many of you get very lonely or upset.
I personally love this time of year, see I feel sorry for all those couples that have this whole buildup to a day that for most, is probably at the very least a little disappointing. Especially when the day falls on a weekday and people have to be back to work the following day.
But as a single person I celebrate Single Awareness Fortnight. For those of you not familiar with this holiday. It is like the difference between Chanukah and Christmas. The Jews had it right make a whole 8 days of celebration and gift giving as opposed to those poor Christian bastards that only have 1 day. Starting on February 1st I gave myself a present, then the next day low and behold I was still single so I got to give myself another present. And unlike Valentines gifts where they are supposed to be romantic and you have no real control of what your significant other gives you, for Single Awareness Fortnight you get presents that you want, like the 12 pack of beer I gave myself the first night, and then the 5th of Jack on the second. Now you can trade gifts with other people celebrating SAF, but it is not recommended as that seems to only result in extreme drunkedness and some defacation of past girlfriends/boyfriends property or pets. This is mostly atributed to the fact that the majority of SAF gifts have as their main ingredient: Alcohol, funny how that works.
So in closing after another very exciting SAF, at least I think it must have been exciting, to be honest I can't remember too much of the last 2 weeks. I wish you all the best in all you do this year.
Best,
Teaspoon
I personally love this time of year, see I feel sorry for all those couples that have this whole buildup to a day that for most, is probably at the very least a little disappointing. Especially when the day falls on a weekday and people have to be back to work the following day.
But as a single person I celebrate Single Awareness Fortnight. For those of you not familiar with this holiday. It is like the difference between Chanukah and Christmas. The Jews had it right make a whole 8 days of celebration and gift giving as opposed to those poor Christian bastards that only have 1 day. Starting on February 1st I gave myself a present, then the next day low and behold I was still single so I got to give myself another present. And unlike Valentines gifts where they are supposed to be romantic and you have no real control of what your significant other gives you, for Single Awareness Fortnight you get presents that you want, like the 12 pack of beer I gave myself the first night, and then the 5th of Jack on the second. Now you can trade gifts with other people celebrating SAF, but it is not recommended as that seems to only result in extreme drunkedness and some defacation of past girlfriends/boyfriends property or pets. This is mostly atributed to the fact that the majority of SAF gifts have as their main ingredient: Alcohol, funny how that works.
So in closing after another very exciting SAF, at least I think it must have been exciting, to be honest I can't remember too much of the last 2 weeks. I wish you all the best in all you do this year.
Best,
Teaspoon
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Every dog has his day
I am not sure if any of you out there know of an actress named Heather Locklear, but she is definitely one of the hottest women especially when you take into acount that she is 44. Now I am not ageist I am just saying she looks damn good for a 44 year old, or even for a 24 year old. Now for the last 10 years she has been married to a decent enough bloke that plays a little guitar, named Richie Sambora, for a band called Bon Jovi or something like that, I don't know never heard of them myself.
Now I am pretty much a pacifist and do not wish harm on any living soul, except maybe the Dutch. (Goldmember anyone?). But I did spend several long hours praying to god to interviene and somehow break up HL's and RS marriage. Never anything violent or anything, well maybe I asked if the big man upstairs could somehow drop an anvil on his head, but I have seen enough Lonney Toons cartoons to know that it doesn't ever kill anyone. Alas their marraige remained intact and I soon gave up on it ever ending and me having a decent shot at nailing Heather. Because obviously if RS was out of the picture I am the front runner.
Now some of you may have heard about the little accident that Bon Jovi's private plane had in Canada where it skidded off the runway, I want to stress here that no one was hurt including RS, and that I did not have anything to do with it... Directly. You would be amazed at what you can get a Canadian to do for $50.00 USD, a bottle of absynth and a pair of tickets to a hockey game.
Today though is a day to rejoice, the marriage is over. HL came to her senses and filed for divorce and will be severing ties in 6 months. (the length of time you have to wait for your divorce to become final in California) people from RS's camp have tried to slander the wonderful Heather, saying that she is an egomaniac and that she needs her ass kissed all the time. Have you seen her ass? it is beautiful, I don't get what the problem is.
So Heather, on August 2nd, call me. I'll be waiting by the phone.
T-
Now I am pretty much a pacifist and do not wish harm on any living soul, except maybe the Dutch. (Goldmember anyone?). But I did spend several long hours praying to god to interviene and somehow break up HL's and RS marriage. Never anything violent or anything, well maybe I asked if the big man upstairs could somehow drop an anvil on his head, but I have seen enough Lonney Toons cartoons to know that it doesn't ever kill anyone. Alas their marraige remained intact and I soon gave up on it ever ending and me having a decent shot at nailing Heather. Because obviously if RS was out of the picture I am the front runner.
Now some of you may have heard about the little accident that Bon Jovi's private plane had in Canada where it skidded off the runway, I want to stress here that no one was hurt including RS, and that I did not have anything to do with it... Directly. You would be amazed at what you can get a Canadian to do for $50.00 USD, a bottle of absynth and a pair of tickets to a hockey game.
Today though is a day to rejoice, the marriage is over. HL came to her senses and filed for divorce and will be severing ties in 6 months. (the length of time you have to wait for your divorce to become final in California) people from RS's camp have tried to slander the wonderful Heather, saying that she is an egomaniac and that she needs her ass kissed all the time. Have you seen her ass? it is beautiful, I don't get what the problem is.
So Heather, on August 2nd, call me. I'll be waiting by the phone.
T-
